Defeating the Blame Game

“So then each of us will give an account of himself to God.” (Romans 14:12, ESV)

When I was a boy, my brother and I used to get in trouble a lot. We would be doing something that we should not have and possibly break something. My mother would try to investigate the problem. However, when she asked who did it, we would point at each other. Alternatively, we would blame each other by saying, “He made me do it.” It was the blame game.

The blame game has its roots in the Garden of Eden, when Satan tempted Eve and Adam to partake of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Let these verses jog your memory.

The Lord God asked Adam and Eve, “Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?”Adam responded, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” Then Eve responded, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”” (Genesis 3:11-13, ESV)

What is the problem with this? It is that no one took personal responsibility for their actions. It is a problem that plagues our world today.

You might ask, “What does this have to do with our emotional struggles?” Well, possibly more than you may think. I had a family call me one time because they were having behavioral issues with their son, which included destructive behaviors such as drugs and running away from home. They thought that I might be able to help as they were at the end of their rope with the situation.

So, I sat down with the young man and discussed the issue. I asked him some questions as to why he did the things that concerned his parents. Right away, I sensed his attitudes of anger and a deep-rooted bitterness. As I spoke with him further, he explained that he felt neglected and wanted attention. In other words, he justified his improper behaviors by blaming his parents. The only problem was that he was the one who decided how to handle the feeling of neglect with unbiblical behaviors and was unwilling to take responsibility for them.

It is a typical pattern in emotional issues. Unfortunately, the refusal to take personal responsibility for one’s actions can lead to a continual downward spiral in life. This can result in behavioral disorders and deeply rooted emotional issues.

This is not an isolated case either. I counseled a young woman one time who said she felt like garbage, totally discouraged with life. She was dealing with despair, bitterness, and guilt. Her problem was that she rebelled against her parents, engaged in drugs and alcohol, and sexual immorality. She blamed all this on her mother. Then I asked her a question, “Who decided to participate in all those things, the drugs, alcohol, rebellion, and sex, you are your mother?” She sheepishly said, “I did.” Saying this by taking personal responsibility, was the point of breakthrough. She confessed her sins to the Lord and came to saving faith in Jesus. This was the beginning of a new life.

Paul wrote to the Romans that, “each of us will give an account of himself to God. People must take personal responsibility for their responses to various situations in life. Often their improper responses can lead to behavioral and emotional disorders. Confession in these cases is the first step towards behavioral and emotional healing. We need to think about this because improper responses in the distance pass can take us on a downward spiral leading to behavioral and emotional issues in the present.